I am not afraid of storms, for I am learning how to sail my ship

This is nothing against my own mother, she's a saint and an amazing woman. But weekends in my house in France SMELL SO AMAZING. My real mom can cook and she taught me so much about cooking and now I can cook pretty well. (the baking, that's all my sister) But during the weekends when I am home in France, it smells amazing. My mom here normally cooks pretty good stuff on the week days but it is always weekends that we have the best meals. Today, Sunday February 1, it smells so good in this house. I wish I could put something up so y'all could smell it. I don't even know what it is and I don't actually care. I have eaten some crazy shit since I have lived in France and I am a picky eater. Like seriously picky. I think it is one of the best things I have learned since being here. You just have to try it. If you hate it after fine. I will tell you peas, I still cannot do peas. No way. But, I do eat beans sometimes I eat rabbit smelly cheese. The food in this country is undeniably good.

I have recently been hitting up the movies in France on Sunday's when no one is in Paris and it is kinda great. The English movies have French subtitles which is actually kind of great cause it is also like a school lesson. A two for one, if you will. I have seen Foxcatcher and The Riot Club. The Riot Club is a British film full of really hot dudes. It isn't out in America and from what I can tell it won't be, so I am pretty lucky to have gotten to seen that. Lucky and happy. Haha. There is also a German movie coming out that I believe is called Phoenix. The shitty part about this is, it is in German, I don't speak German and so the subtitles are in French. My French reading is at about a 75% sooo seeing this might be difficult but I think we are going to try anyway. It really looks so good.

A few weeks ago I went to one of our regular bars and it was a country night. I can't begin to explain to you what it was like hearing a VERY American old guy sing country songs and people were even dressed up, including the owner of the bar. It kinda felt like home. Brought back tons of memories, that is for sure, and it was nice to make new ones as well. But goodness, if you could have heard how this guy was talking, it was way way too much.

A while back I had a conversation with my older kid about leaving. His mom and I were discussing how I was going to be leaving and coming back two different times. He said to me that I had to come back. And I told him that at sometime I had to go home and I wouldn't be coming back. And he asked why and I said because I was sure his parents did not want me living there forever, and he said "but I love you". This is one of the worst parts about this. I figured I would become close to these people but I never really thought about the consequences. This killed me. I have made family forever in these people I have lived with but moving and not seeing them everyday is starting to kill me. I am getting really close to leaving here and with all the trips and things I have planned in the next few months it is going to fly by. This is by far one of the worst parts about having this experience.

Every once and a while we become much happier in this house thanks to french wine. Catch my drift? A lot of these times end up in really deep and philosophical conversations with my mom here. It is kind of great. I will miss this a lot. We talk about everything from religion to marriage to gun control the difference in the US, France and the Czech Republic. It is really a great thing for me to be able to have someone who has had experiences in all these places. We recently went to a costume party together and that was super fun. She was egging me on to talk to guys and it was awesome. If I ever needed a wing woman, she would probably be my go to. It helps that she doesn't look any older than me. It was all made even better by the fact that I was the designated driver that evening. Speaking of the party, it was amazing. I was absoultly shocked in how much every single person participated and was dressed up. Everyone was dancing and getting into it. This doesn't always happen at things I have been to in the past. The whole experience was great. The food, the champagne (yea I did have one of these) the costumes, the dancing, all of it. Below is a picture from us. Kind of. haha.

My older kid took his english test for school. Like a majority of the reason my French family wanted an au pair was to teach the older kid English so he could test and get into this international school. The school day is mostly in French but then they break off to small groups to learn English. Well...MY KID PASSED. My work here is done...thanks...but not. Haha. I am still here for a while and now the family refuses to speak to me in English so I can get better at French. This should be fun. Speaking of school, I was actually the only one at school the other day. The teacher asked me if I wanted to go home or have class. Well apparently I didn't answer fast enough because she said I was staying. It was kind of awesome. We spoke in French and we talked about cultural shit and phrases we say in America compared to France and it was kind of awesome.

So not only was I lucky enough to have my family be here when I ran my first half marathon ever, but my cousin, friend and amazing running coach is coming to Paris to run in the Nike Women's 15k in June!!! I am so excited!!!

So my backpacking trip is all planned! Well most of it. We at least have places to sleep and ways to get to each place. We are going to London, Amsterdam and Lisbon, Portugal. I really could not be more excited. I want it to come now, but at the same time that means the end of this time here in France. If anyone has an ideas of places to visit or places to eat, the most important, please let me know. I am open to all suggestions.

In a few weeks it's a holiday again. My last one here till summer when I work a little bit for the family cause they asked me too. Why not extend my time here before I get back to the real world, whatever that is these days. Well I am excited to finally CONFIRM we are going to the Czech Republic. The mom, dad and I are staying in Prague without the kids for a few days and then we will continue on to the village where the mom lives. I am actually not even sure where it is, I just know it is a small place. I am incredibly excited about this opportunity for so many reasons. The food, the scenery, the language, the customs. All of it. I get a small taste of the Czech world seeing as how I live with someone from there but there is no way it can be the same. I am really excited. I have also been told by several people that Prague is a place you HAVE to visit. I am not however looking forward to 12 hours squished in between a car seat and booster seat for the drive over there...that should be a real experience.

Recently I have found Chipotle in France and if you follow my social media you will see that. I wondered around Paris this past week and I have included some pictures. I have been shopping a lot looking for things I need for my backpacking trip, I am so excited. I also went to a castle this weekend. It is amazing to me that up the street I could go to any number of castles. CASTLES PEOPLE! I have been to so many since living here and it is an amazing experience every time. The Louvre is a castle and from the outside you can tell but the inside is a museum. The other places I have been, you can actually see the real insides. I have included some pictures below.

A lot has been happening and I know I have not written a lot and for that I am sorry. Follow my social media, I try hard to post on that as often as possible. I have included a bunch of pics and just stuff around. I will label them so you know what they are. Things are good here and I am still running, most of the time. Haha. It isn't easy and it is starting to get hot which is awful. I complain, but I complained during winter too. I might as well get use to the heat again. I am sure I will have a solid post after my trip. We leaving Friday for the Czech Republic. We are going to Prague for a few days then the village where the mom is from. I seriously cannot wait. It should be interesting because they don't speak French or English and actually the dad here doesn't speak much Czech, just the basics. I will get to go to a bridal show while I am there which I literally cannot. I am very much into event planning in case you didn't know and this is going to be so cool to see how another country gets married and to see how they have these events. The event will actually be in, you guessed it, a castle. Haha. I have the perfect cute outfit which I just bought. I am sure there will be pictures to accompany that later! I work full time this week before we leave and I worked mostly full time last week cause one of my kids was sick and the nanny had time off. So it should be interesting. Pray for me.

Ah! Last thing, I wanted to make a list of things I miss, a lot...
-Shower curtains. Apparently they don't love them here, ever, its so strange.
-A clothes dryer. I WANT A DRYER BACK!!
-Cold drinks. This takes getting use to and it is possible to overlook it but goodness. I want a cold beverage with ice!!!

This whole post is probably a bit of a disappointment, specially compared to the last one but this is all I got for now. I will try hard to do better next time and I will try and write during my trip next week so it will be all ready when I come home!

I love music, I think I have made that more than clear as of recent. I am stuck on a few songs lately and there are a few songs that are on my life's playlist. Here they are for your enjoyment. Seriously listen or don't or hate or love them but music is everything. Really.
Big Sean- I don't fuck with you (here)
Shawn Mendes- Life of the party (here)
Shawn Mendes- Stitches (here)
Mumford & Sons- Believe (here)
Mumford &Sons- The Wolf (here)
Avicii- The Nights (here)
Avicii- The Days (here)
Imagine Dragons- I bet my life (here)
Elle Henderson- Ghost (here)
Jason Aldean- Burnin' it down (here)
Fetty Wap- Trap Queen (here)
Kendrick Lamar- King Kunta (here)
Hozier- Foreigner's God (here)
Fall Out Boy- Uma Thurman (here)

Title quote: This gem is from the book Little Women by Louisa May Alcott.

Super cool metro station after a guy who made subs I think...

And by far one of the nicest. They dont all look like this...

Museum

My life, bread and beautiful architecture 

I forget what this is...

Parks like this are all over Paris...

An arch.

Church

View from the train of my town

View from the train of my town, excuse the etched graffiti

The sunsets from my window are breathtaking 

Castle! Chateau Vaux le Vicomte 

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte...it has a moat!!!

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Jardin, or Garden at Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

The bathroom...Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Carriages, Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Tack, Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Chateau Vaux le Vicomte

Spring!

The best sunsets. This was during a run in the village next to mine

Le Seine, during a run

Costume Party

Sunset

Spring!! During a run

Magnolia Tree in my front yard

Me and my French mom!

One day you’ll leave this world behind, so live a life you will remember. These are the nights that never die.

I want to preface this post with the following... 
1. Anyone who knows me and is reading this knows that I would go through hell to move heaven and earth for the people I love. That's just a fact. 
2. I am an extremely private person and there might be two people in the entire world that know everything about me and that I would go to with anything.  
3. I was told that I am closed off and hot and cold and SO private that it makes me a difficult person to talk to or comfort or reach out to. And thus part of the motivation for this post.

I have thought long and hard about whether or not to write this. This blog is about my life in France. Well the sad part is that when I really thought about it these things are just that; my life in France. I have wanted to live in another country for a long time. I had always regretted not studying abroad in college and when a friend of mine decided to be an au pair I figured what a great way to see the world. Well I never followed her lead. I never did a lot of things because my life was on a different trajectory and I gave up a lot of my dreams and made a lot of sacrifices. Do I wish my magic crystal ball was working at the time and let me see into the future every time I gave up something? Hell fucking yes I do. Does it matter now? Nope. So I file it all away in some chapter of my life and move on.

I have wondered when the time will come that I will forget certain things in life. Being dumped after 6 and a half years with a guy is definitely one of those times. Recently several things have happened and conversations have taken place that make me feel like I need to say something. Now that we know all the reasons why I am even bothering to write this we might as well get on with it. I should say some names and places have been changed to protect the identities of those involved.

I met Steve when I was 20 years old. I had just gotten out of something messy and so did he so neither of us wanted to seriously date anyone which was fine. We had fun hanging out, eating together and watching movies. Normal stuff. Eventually that turned into something more and we dated. We dated for a long time. Longer than some people are married. During that time we went through a lot of things. Jobs, death, reaching goals, traveling; I mean after that long you pretty much go through it all. You make a lot of memories, you meet a lot of people, you make a life together and that is exactly what had happened.

After we graduated college we stuck around our college town, neither of us wanting to leave each other and so we took jobs and worked and lived and eventually he went back to school. After some point Steve realized what he wanted to do in life and I still hadn’t reached that point. (Believe it or not knowing what I want to do did not come for me until I moved to France and really had time to evaluate my life and my goals and what I wanted.) With that being said, I started to give up a lot of things so that Steve could achieve his goals. I am not saying this because I want pity or I am looking for people to feel sorry for me. I made the decisions I made and I am where I am in life. But I moved, lived places I didn’t want to, I stayed in long distance relationships, I traveled to be supportive, I wrote letters, I made phone calls, I drove A LOT, I spent my weekends with him, I traveled to spend time with his friends. (A good portion of our relationship was at a distance, even in the beginning because his family was living in Australia. We had overcome an 11 hour time difference in the beginning of things when it was still new and fresh and we were still getting to know each other and trust each other.) I did everything I could because I figured if I had no idea what I wanted out of life, I could at least give my support and attention to the guy I loved and his dreams. It made a lot of sense at the time and really, it still makes sense to me now. I probably would think about things differently if I had to make those decisions again, but at that time, it was the right decision to make.

Steve very suddenly and out of the blue broke up with a week after my birthday. Now, I don’t really like my birthday, it’s not a HUGE deal to me but Steve went out of his way to make it special in several different ways. All the more reason I was in complete shock. I ran a lot of things through my mind and one of them was that there was someone else. At this point we had been doing a long distance thing for like two years or something ridiculous. Nearly every weekend I went to see Steve and I drove the two hours to the town where he lived to see him. Sometimes he came to see me, but because of his work it was better for me to go there. So every Friday I would pack up my dogs and my bags and drive two hours to his house. Again, I am not complaining. Steve was chasing his dreams and I was being as supportive as possible given our situation. I wanted him to be happy and I was just happy being with him. Anyway, I specifically asked Steve if there was someone else and I gave him the opportunity to come clean. After 6.5 years I figured I deserved the truth. Steve denied the fact and just gave me a reason. (as it turns out, I would later find out that Steve gave different reasons to other people as to why we broke up and they were never consistent reasons…) Well, I figured this was it, I was absolutely devastated and I had no idea what I was going to do. I didn’t cry on the phone when he ended things. On the phone, after 6.5 years…let that sink in. I waited till we were done then I lost my shit. I admit it. I completely and utterly lost it. My sister ended up coming to stay with me for a few weeks because I had no idea what the fuck was going on with my life. This guy I thought I would marry and have kids with dumped me out of the blue, I was living in a town I hated to be close to him, and I was working a job that was totally irrelevant to my skill set because I was close to him and trying to have a life. I decided to try and handle this as gracefully as I could. And I did. The only thing I demanded from Steve was to attend a wedding with me the following weekend. We had already RSVPd and I had no desire to show up without a date and try to explain to my friends why he wasn’t there. So, I said I would pay for everything if he would just go with me. And he did.

Well I had a week to think about things and just get my thoughts together before the wedding. That entire week Steve texted me every day, which only made my life harder. And I answered as cordially as possible and just kept on with the week. I had decided that I would give a speech, one last effort and say what I wanted to say and make sure that he knew that being apart wasn’t what I wanted. In the past in our relationship Steve had given these speeches about staying together because we would hit a rough patches and I wanted to break things off. Steve was so adamant about how we could work, that I always stayed. I figured it was up to me to do that this time. It was nearly pathetic but I didn’t want to break up, not at all and I wanted an honest reason as to why he was doing it. I gave my speech, he said no. I asked again about someone else and he said no.

A few weeks before all this, I had flown out to LA for a job interview and I found out after the wedding that they were offering me the job. Well it was sink or swim time. I needed to decide if I was going to take the job. For whatever reason, I had gotten on the au pair website my friend had previously recommended. So while all this bullshit was going on I was interviewing to leave the country. Oh yea, I started doing that. I was so upset and I had no idea how to start my life over, at least that was how it felt so I figured, why the fuck not! Let’s move to another country where you don’t speak the language and move in with complete strangers. Think about that. I was hurting. Bad. So I turned down the offer in LA and I found a family and decided to move to France.

As it turned out, and I wouldn’t learn about this till a few weeks after the wedding, Steve called all of our mutual friends and told them what happened. By the time I found out I was so shocked by this that I let it go without confronting Steve or even our friends. Steve however, did not bother to tell his family. So I had several conversations with his mother about how she couldn’t wait to see us and see their new home in Montana and spend time with them and how much she loved and missed me. Having those conversations 3 days after have your heart ripped out is literally the worst. (It doesn’t help that i didn't only lose Steve but I lost people who were nearly family, his family. People I had become close to, people who had shared major life events with me, all gone, with zero contact) Plenty of people asked why I didn’t just tell Steve’s mom. Well, I wasn’t going to be the one that outted him, it wasn’t my business to tell. But, Steve sure as shit let all our friends know. I have wondered lately if this was done on purpose…

Speaking of my friends. I told about three people about the breakup. None of those people were mutual friends. I wasn’t about to make something awkward with our mutual friends. At the same time, a good majority of our mutual friends knew, thanks to Steve, and no one said a word to me. Not a word. So not only had I decided to take my broken heart and move my ass to France but I felt really alone. I knew people knew and some of those people I would lay my life on the line for. I didn’t tell anyone I was moving to France so I guess that was some payback. I told my family, and I told some close friends, I had a party and I left.

About a month after the breakup I was informed by an anonymous source that Steve had a girlfriend, let’s call her Felicia. Now, I have my suspicions and information and it is hard for me to believe he didn’t cheat on me. And honestly, make you own judgments, gather your own facts. I never said a word to Steve about this. It was the day before I was leaving for France and I got this metaphorical punch to the face. If I could put into words how I felt, I would. I was in shock. It was hard to believe, to imagine, especially after Steve was the one that was crying when we last said good bye. Steve is the one that “wanted to be friends”. You would think after all that time together…anyway, I was speechless. And the way I had received the information was icing on the chocolate cake which is my life. I cut myself off from social media and a hell of a lot of other things after this. I didn’t want to field questions or see anything. I just didn’t. I wanted to do what I had to do to leave the country and get the fuck out.

At some point Steve un-friended me on Facebook…ooooh no he didn’t…and other weird things were happening to me on social media. I didn’t totally get it because we were supposed to be “friends” and I had no contact with him. At all. Literally none. I don’t even know how I found out or why but I did. This kind of hurt, in a weird way. It was a few months after we had broken up and even a few months after he started dating Felicia. I wasn’t trying to ruin them or break them up and I certainly wasn’t harassing them in anyway. I am not sure why I was so bothered, it’s social media for god sake, but it felt personal and it felt like I was doing something wrong and getting in trouble for it. I haven’t done anything wrong since I haven’t done a damn thing.

Because I know Steve really well, maybe better than he knows himself, when he started dating this new girl, I said to my friends, he is going to marry her. From the beginning. Well fast forward about seven-eight months and that, in fact, is happening. Again, this information came to me in a really wonderful way. I hadn’t thought about Steve or Felicia in a really long time. My life was working here and working well. After this metaphorical spit to the face I was again speechless. But what do you do? Just because you can’t personally imagine getting engaged a minute after getting out a 6.5 year relationship doesn’t mean that is how others think. Again, the emotions and feelings all came back and it takes time to process them and figure out what to do even though it doesn’t actually concern you. As usual I kept my mouth shut and went on with my life and honestly, I had been expecting this from the beginning. Whatever Steve’s reasons for proposing are, they are his own. I hope life doesn’t get too complicated and things work out for them. I can’t imagine how life would stay uncomplicated at this point but hopefully it works. Even shitty people deserve happiness.

I am a very opinionated person most of the time but at the same time I pride myself on being extremely open minded. I don’t know if I ever want to get married and god knows someone couldn’t make me get married for ANY reason except love. Love and understanding and commitment. I take marriage seriously and maybe that is why I never pushed marriage with Steve, who knows. But I also hope that Steve doesn’t have to miss out on his dreams. He worked really hard to get to where he is and he was so passionate about what he wanted. It is one of the things I loved about him. I hope that he is able to continue on the same path and get the things he wanted and worked so hard for. God knows it came at a cost to others. But hopefully he is making decisions that will still allow him to reach his goals.

I really have tried to handle the break up and all the bullshit that seemed to come after gracefully. It has been one of the hardest things in the world, but I have been trying. Since the wedding, I have had NO contact with Steve. None of any kind at all. Even after each of these things has happened I kept my mouth shut. I didn’t and don’t want to be that girl. I want to move on. I want to be a better person. I want to look back and be proud of who I was in this, but part of me feels like I am still involved in something I am not and never actually was involved in. Things happen that make me say…what?! And I can’t figure it out.

Since moving to France and having the experience with Steve, I have changed. I have changed a lot. If I didn’t, what would be the point? Steve left for some reason, whatever that was, and I knew I wasn’t my best self. This isn’t about bashing Steve for our relationship. I just want it known that I am moving on. I don’t ask our friends questions about Steve, ever. Even when they bring it up. Ask them. It hasn’t happened and it won’t. God knows Steve doesn’t have to ask our friends about me since I keep putting my life all over the internet. I am happy here. I am happy in my life. I have some amazing opportunities and I can’t live in the past or I will never move forward. Steve isn’t my future anymore…my future is wide open.

Before I met Steve I had what I like to call and edge. At some point in 6.5 years I kind of lost it. Since moving here, I found it again. I think that is partly because of the French people as a whole; they are amazing and confident and almost arrogant but that’s how life is here. I started losing weight without trying, I found something to do that I love and I got to really think about who I am and what I want and who and what I want to be. When I went home for vacation people said they didn’t even recognize me and if you talk to my now and spend any time with me my entire outlook on things is different. I am so thankful for this opportunity and I live a charmed life. I might have scars but I live a very charmed life. I won’t sit here and pretend like I don’t get sad sometimes and that sometimes that sadness isn’t caused by Steve or memories of us and our life because I’d be lying. But there is the difference, I am moving on. I might be sad for a long time specially when it comes to certain memories but I AM MOVING ON. I am happy, I am in shape, I get to eat amazing food, I constantly get to have priceless experiences, I know what I want to do with my life now and I have had several big and interesting job opportunities present themselves. I can’t live in the past. I can’t dwell on the past. I have a now and I have a future.


I have tried to be incredibly mature about this entire thing even when I have been so mad or so upset that I didn’t want to be. All the times I might have wanted to shout and scream and cuss someone out. But again, I am moving on. Like I said before, I don’t talk to our mutual friends about Steve, and when they bring it up I say that I have nothing to say. I don’t want any of our friends to be in weird situations or positions and I would never ask them to pick sides. That would be really fucked up. I don’t really tell them my feelings on the things that have happened and I stick to my guns on it. Even really close mutual friends. It wouldn’t be fair. I barely keep in touch with most people since I have been here. I reach out when I need to or when good things happen. I am not out searching for information on Steve because I just don’t really care. I never thought this is where I would be in life but it is. And I might as well embrace it and see where it takes me. I wanted to travel and share the experiences I am having with someone special, who wouldn’t want to, but I have learned so much about myself and the world that I wouldn’t trade it for anything.

Again, good luck to Steve and Felicia. I have nothing holding me back. I am not out searching for information on the two of you and I am not going to be the one to put our friends in a shitty situation. I refuse. Life is hard sometimes and things might cold cock you in the face but hey, what doesn’t kill you make you stronger right? Or insert whatever other cliché you think is relevant. I have the best friends in the entire world and I wouldn’t be here without them. I wouldn’t be thinner and a sort of runner, into new things or most importantly, brave and different without getting my ass dumped. Life is beautiful and I am going to live it as best I can because I had put living, really living, on pause for a while.

Title quote: This is from an Avicii song called Nights. Listen to it here

Today, live like you wanna, let yesterday burn and throw it in a fire, live like a warrior

I must start out by saying sorry. Sorry I do not post enough blogs, I totally don’t. I actually have this one and two others in the works so hopefully March shall yield at least three blog posts!  I have also been told I need to post more pictures on my social media of “French things” so, follow me on twitter or instagram @skay1621 to see pictures. Anyway, I wanted to write about my time at home. Although writing about home seems counter…productive? No but you get it, since my blog is supposed to be about m experience in France. But really, I guess it is supposed to be about my life, and that just happens to be taking place mostly in France. Anyway, my time at home was lovely, #ivacationintheUS.

Ah, and because I love music, put on this new jam while you’re reading this. It’s great. Mumford and Sons "Believe"

I flew back home into Texas, and then into West Palm. Yea, I know this makes zero sense because I pass West Palm to get back to West Palm. It was such a long flight, the longest I have ever been on. Like 10 or 10 and half hours I think. I was super excited to get to Texas to drink. One, I drink way more than I use to cause it’s just a way of life here, but also to have American things. I had like three blue moons and was ready to pass the hell out by the time my flight finally left over five hours later.

I had a lot of things I had to do during my time home including seeing all my family, as much as possible, going wedding dress and bridesmaid dress shopping way out of town and throwing a baby shower. Although I was only home for two weeks it felt like I was home forever.

My first week was spent doing a lot of eating and a lot of party planning. I actually threw one of my most favorite events, the baby shower for my best and longest friend. But I will get back to that. The first day I surprised my sister and brother at breakfast, which was fantastic. They literally had no idea I was coming home and thanks to my social media posts I said I was going to Spain and Portugal. Which honestly I would have love to do…to have done? Whatever. We ate breakfast. I ate so much breakfast. Not just that day but in general. I love breakfast. It is my favorite along with seafood and burgers. Anyway, I went shopping after that.

So much shopping; I had a lot to do for the party and I had zero clothes that fit so I really needed some new pants and shirts. My dad had taken a whole bunch of time off because we were supposed to go on the boat. Oh yea. We have a new addition to our family. The 35 foot open fish with triple 250s; welcome to the family beautiful! Well, she was in the shop so that never happened. Which sucked…a lot. We did end up going to get her on some day that week but it had to be the coldest flipping day ever. I had so many layers on. Like maybe even more than winter in France. I put some pictures below.

At the end of the first week things got crazy. I had to drive to Jacksonville, 4 hours north of my house, to go wedding dress shopping with my lovely friends. I went Friday night so I could spend the night with family and get up early to go shopping on Saturday. I love my family. I knew what I was getting into going to their house that night and it did not disappoint. It included A LOT of drinking, tons of shit talking, life lessons, motorcycle talk and all around good times. It is always good when you know you have people that will back you probably no matter what and thankfully…people that would bail you outta jail should the need arise. And let’s be honest, that was a possibility.

The next morning I got up to go dress shopping. I slipped my ass into my new and awesome jumpsuit which I had ordered and it was waiting for me when I got home to America. I met up for lunch with my friends and we went wedding dress and bridesmaids dress shopping. Luckily we found bridesmaids dresses but sadly it would be some days later when my friend found her wedding dress. I will be flying home again for this wedding in June but returning to France after. I will have about three more weeks of work and then two weeks backpacking!!! I am so excited for my trip and for work to end and to get back to America and at the same time…it is quite sad to think about and maybe, in the end, my return won’t happen. Go big or go home, right? Except, I kind of am home…

That 24 hours was out of control. I did not get home till like midnight on Saturday and I had a party to throw the next day. My mother and my sister were vital in getting the party ready and together and I could not be more thankful for them. I am also so happy that I was able to do this for my friend. I know she will be right there with me should I ever have a child…doubtful…or more likely just get married. I put some pictures below of the party. They aren’t the best and honestly I didn’t even take any. I was so busy and my feet were killing me from rocking the same pair of 4 inch pattern leather Jessica Simpson peep toe pumps two days in a row. What we do to look good. On the topic of clothes, I also got to wear a lovely Michael Kors dress I had found earlier that week. He is by far one of my favorite purse and accessories designers and until I was home during that time I did not own many of his clothes. I was lucky enough to return to France with a whole new wardrobe which included about 75% MK stuff. Gotta love it.

The second week I saw a lot of friends and family and just relaxed. We took a long boat ride on the one day that was nice out. I was pretty busy again getting things together, giving away clothes, trying to make my parents family room look less hideous since half of my possessions currently reside in there. I of course did a ton of running since the following weekend when I returned was my half marathon. My first ever. Although running in hell…aka south Florida nearly killed me. One day I thought it was genius to run in the middle of the day, figuring I could handle it. Well me and my shorts and sports bra wanted to die. I had to call my mom to come get my fat ass because I might had just died.

I saw movies while I was home. Although I didn’t get to see all the ones I wanted. I saw 50 Shades of Grey, of course, Kingsmen and The Duff. I love movies. I go all the time and have been going to sometime. Now in France I started going but I do not get all the movies and there are French subtitles which, while they are great for learning are so irritating because it is all that I watch!!! Anyway. That was nice. And my dad took off more work that week so I got to spend a lot of time with just him and my mom. Little did I know of course that my mom and sister would end up coming to France not even two days after my return.

My flight home was canceled and I felt really bad about that because it kind of put my French family in a tough spot since I wouldn’t be getting home till Monday and I was supposed to work then. Saturday night when I was still in the US I spent it with my aunt and uncle and mom and dad drinking margaritas and eating Mexican food. It was pretty perfect. Especially when everyone got…happier. The food wasn’t so bad either and I got to take home cookies and bread to pack away in my suitcase and enjoy once I was back in France.

I realize how lucky I am to get to do the things that I do. And I try very hard to never forget that. I had a great two weeks at home and while I can’t wait to get back and be a part of everyone’s lives again, I do love France. I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world. But I am a water girl to the bone and living on the water and being on a boat is where I kind of belong. Or at least I belong closer to the opportunity.

The trials and tribulations of a fat, food lover trying to run:

Again I have no idea what I titled this before. I think this is close. I will briefly write about running in my first half marathon. It was amazing. I was shitting myself because I didn’t know what to expect and the longest I had ever run was 12.5 miles. The adrenaline that comes when you are walking around and seeing all the people is indescribable. This race had 43,500 people signed up. There were SO MANY PEOPLE. It left me speechless. It was also the hottest day in France since like September and it was cold the day before and the day after…of course. I was dying. Wearing infrared, cold gear leggings with knee high socks was not the best idea I have ever had. My mom and sister were there which was the best. Literally the best. And my French mom showed up after she dropped the rest of the family off in the city. I saw the rest of my family when I was running. They stood on the side of the road for me. It was hard, the race I mean. It is far more a mental game than a physical game. I think I have written before about how my runs are either when my head is the clearest or when I think about all the things that bother me most in the world. This time I literally was just counting down the kilometers. I had thought, wow I get to run through Paris, this will be beautiful. I barely saw a single site. I was just trying to focus and not die. My time was terrible and I will forever remember how terrible and I will want from now until I beat that time, to beat that time. Time is a big deal to me although I know it shouldn’t be. I know I am better than that, that’s why I bothers me so much. Anyway, I finished and I got a cool shirt and I got a medal and I have a great story to tell. I also burned some 1400 calories that day so that’s awesome. I can’t wait till Sunday so I can start running again. I bought some new shoes I am DYING to try out. I went from Nikes to Brooks, so I am pretty interested to see how this goes. I have signed up for the Nike Women’s run in Paris on June 7 and I am considering another half marathon Easter weekend. It is kind of crazy…I think I am addicted. I never in a million years would have thought I would be into running like this, but I have to say, even thought me and running and like in a love/hate situation I do love it. And hey, who doesn’t like shirts and medals?!

I still miss everyone a lot, maybe even more now that I was home for a minute. And I REALLY hate missing out on major things in everyone’s lives. As soon as I figure out exactly what I am going to do after this chapter I will let everyone know. Like I said in the beginning I actually have two other posts in the works and I will try really hard to get them out asap. I know I need to write more and I really will try. I don’t have a lot of time left here and I have a big mouth and a hell of a lot to say. Stay tuned because maybe I will get real crazy and write a real honest piece no one is expecting from me…until then…smile bitches, things could be worse…

Title quote: This came from a song by Matisyahu (click to listen) "Live like a warrior"

ET...aka Kahlua on the boat

Awesome sign in the metro in Paris 

Pre race shitting my pants selfie!

Waiting to start

Giant ball rolling around at the start

Mid race, streets of Paris

Post race with my ma

Found my name on the GIANT banner

Post race with Medal!

Pre race. Kinda freaking.

Sign during packet pick-up

Getting my gear ready

MEE!!

Packet pick-up

Freezing my ass off on the boat

My sweet girl Kahlua

The beautiful addition to the family...

Reenacting the titanic scene...

happy days.

Family quality time

Little Oliver on a car ride

Bee clothes pins for "don't say baby"

Shower favors

New girl

Home

Home

"MOM-osa bar"

Games and decor for my shower

Baby Shower

Baby shower

Baby Shower

"Wishes for Baby"

Baby Shower

Me and my Bro

Home

Chicken Fil A

Me and my amazing, beautiful and pregnant friend