A comfort zone is a beautiful place, but nothing ever grows there.

As it turns out...my fans demand more from me...and by that I mean cuss me out that they wasted their time reading my last short blog post. Jk Jk they didn't do that. But like I told someone I was quite uninspiried. I'm at a stopping point currently in feeling anything. I'm trying to adjust, trying to take care of children (which is really putting having my own kids in perspective), learning a language and teaching a language. It's weirdly overwhelming and underwhelming all at once. It's been a life adjustment as well. I know I've said this before but I never ever thought this is where I would be. Ever. Not the being in France part, I hoped that would happen at some point. The being single, career-less 20 something living...LIVING...in a foreign country. As much as I love it and I know this was the perfect decision it's a lot to handle in a big picture. I am so beyond lucky to have this opportunity and I am doing my best to remember that constantly but there is a part of me that can't wrap my nead around it.

This weekend we are going to a grocery store that has American things apparently. Peanut butter being one of those things and maple syrup... I got the older kid, G, hooked on grilled cheese which is so perfect for me. We are going to make PBnJs at some point and even American pancakes. Speaking of pancakes, we had crepes the other night. So good. First ham and cheese ones and then nutella ones. The kids here love nutella, I think as much as Americans. I however am not a huge fan. I've also now had Czech beer, liquor and soup! The soup was crazy good, kind of like chicken noodle soup...I could eat that again for sure. The beer was great. A light beer that you can apparently get in America...? I don't know. I will have to look into this. The liquor was strong. So so strong. And tastes all kinds of wacky. It is made from herbs apparently...not the good kind that are legal in Amsterdam, but herbs non the less. I don't do shots so I had to take it twice to get it all down and then my feet were tingling. They also have this awesome liquor which I have yet to try. They actually grown their own fruits and things and then take them to a person who ferments it all and makes it into liquor then it's yours!!!! I think this is like the neatest thing ever. I will try this soon I'm sure.

I am a little frustrated with the whole kid thing cause currently the mom and dad are home often and when they are the kids are crazy and don't listen to me when their parents are around. Luckily, the parents realize this and soon it won't be the same and they will be gone much longer during the days. Speaking of the parents working, they get 6 weeks vacation every year! W.t.effff. I need this like asap...in the job I don't have of course. I am interested to see what happens when it is just me with them more often.

Something I thought about in the shower tonight. My friends and family have been so supportive in my life and some of the quotes I've used since starting this online diary have been from them so from now on I will mention where I got the quote and in this post I am going to go back and give credit. (Disclosure I am sure my friends did not come up with these not did pinterest or where ever else I got them but I'm giving the most immediate credit.)
Post 1. Freshmen year drinking poster...so thanks allposters.com?
Post 2. Pinterest, where all the best things come from.
Post 3. Samantha. Most oldest bestest friend.
Post 4. Friday night lights of course. One of the best shows and by far the best quote from a tv show.
Post 5. I don't know...people just say this I think...
Post 6. Pinterest again because obviously
Current post. Aaron, one of the best friends ever.

Like I've said previously, I write these over several days. We went to the grocery store and it was nuts. So so many people and they are all kind of rude, in my opinion. But they all seem to understand that and just get on with it. Their grocery stores smell so amazing. They have butchers, and this fresh seafood section. They had an entire tuna, atleast 70 pounds, just sitting in the seafood section. We walked by the deli area and you can just smell the different meats and cheeses. It is kind of amazing. We also went to a big shopping area and I found a store I am in love with. Promod it's called. Seriously the cutest stuff like ever.

This weekend I had intended on going to the next town over to study and of course I didn't do that cause I am a terrible student. Like the worst. I am always like yea I'm going to go back to school to do something great and then I do and I realize I am an idiot for thinking that because I hate school. I  constantly procrastinate and really I can't on this french thing because my survival, and mostly sanity, depends on it. The french language is so complicated. It is not even funny. The mom also wants me to start a second class. Which I get because one, I suck at french but mostly she wants me to meet people. I am quite curious about this though because the group has tons of people from other countries so I am interested in seeing how they actually teach.

As an update to my lady friends...or guys I guess that are also interested, I have seen attractive french men!! Finally. I can't actually speak to them so at this point this matters none at all...but they exist...which I guess is a positive.

I have impressed myself with eating while I've been here. I ate beans!!! Once even voluntarily. I didn't love it but I didn't cry about it. Last night I also ate like a zucchini caserole. It literally had only zucchini and cheese in it. I despise beans and zuchinni, be tee dubs. All the food here is so interesting and my mom here is a great cook. Today, Sunday, lunch was huge and delicious. Snacks, pizza, quiche, salad and then a Czech desert and then coffee after. So. Much. Food. Tonight we are actually having McDonalds. Im quite interested in seeing what it tastes like...

I finally went running yesterday(last four pics below) I ran the Seine. Amazing. It was nice out but the weather is a huge difference. Even though it wasn't super cold it still affected my lungs and chest. Should be interesting to see what happens as it gets colder. Tomorrow I am going to ride my bike to the grocery store. I am not exactly sure how far it is, it is in the next town over. Ill probably run again on Tuesday. If I go somewhere great I will def include pics in my next post.

Today we went to that next town over. We walked there. The pics below are from that town. Same place I wanted to go study but clearly did not. This town is beautiful. Most places here are. Even the not nice looking places. It is all so different from home. Anyway, we walked there and ate ice cream and just walked around. The arcitecture here leaves me speechless so often.

Oh!! Something great before I get outta here...the mom. She kills me. We went to the market and I was of course not only rocking an FSU swaetshirt but and LSU tshirt. I'm not sure how this worked out but it did. I took off my sweatshirt because it was soo hot and she asked how much weight I'd lost since being here and I said none. For some reason she tries to make eat all the time!! And actually I just thought of something. Haha anyway. Ill make that connection in a sec. Its funny she does this to me because she doesnt eat a lot either. So I think, she thinks I have an eating disorder. Clearly if she just looked at me she could tell thats NOT true. Well a few weeks ago I was sick. No big deal...specially since I've recently had stomach issues and undergone tons and tons of testing. Well she twice asked if I was pregnant!!! And once when I told her no she looked at my stomach!! I wish I could tell her that I did not get pregnant, move 4000 miles away from my family to a socialist country, quit my job, to have a baby. Nope. Didn't do that. (The connection, maybe shes worried about my eating cause she still thinks I am knocked up) The third thing, she was quizzing me about my love life. Once she asked me something so, I think, she could determined if I liked dudes or the ladies. Well then when we went to Paris she kept asking about guys I've dated. God knows this is not something I talk about with my best friends much less this kind of stranger. Well in the end I am not sure what her perception of me is. Im convinced she now thinks I am an anorexic, pregnant, man hating lesbian. This should be so fun...

I will write again Wednesday. Sometimes I feel like I have nothing to say or that no one will really give any fucks. Which is fine, I get annoyed with myself plenty. Enjoy the pics!  Although now that I look at them they are not great. Ill take more soon.

The cure for anything is salt water: sweat, tears or the sea

It is funny to me that people enjoy or like or simply just tolerate my writing enough that they continue to read it. I'm mostly just a normal girl who likes to exaggerate things to make them funny and who from time to time can be rather witty. My friend definietly nailed it when she said my last post was like having a conversation with me. It's true and its a compliment because a lot of time my conversations are far crazier...please see spider conversations two posts ago. Those are sincere and honest conversations as they happened. I want to thank anyone who reads or continues to read the thoughts that I am able to put to paper. I'm a terrible speller and not that great of a writer...unless it's investigative reports or legal findings...now those I could write All. Day. Long. In my sleep even. Either way, thank you. 

I have a French phone number!!! So weird. I will also be considered a resident once I attend a meeting at some official office within the next three months. I guess if it hadn't felt real till now, these things should confirm it. 

Friday night before Paris was apparently revenge of the spiders. I've killed one giant one, a baby one on my desk and a baby one on my face/mouth. (Update: since writing this I have had two more giant spiders join me for the evening. I will no longer write about them because now I'm just pissed)

It is interesting standing waiting for the train to Paris. I'm excited because it's Paris and hello but at the same time I live here now...I can go to Paris whenever I want. That a a ton of other amazing cities within this country. 

Paris was beautiful. I mean breath taking. the architecture and history are amazing. I can't even begin to put it into words. But it's a busy tourist city like many others. I wasn't overly impressed with that part. We went during a sort of celebration and they open up different places for people to visit, ones that are not normally open to the public. We went to the Picasso museum which was totally disappointing because none of his art was there. We also went to the city hall. I have to say I am so so jealous of the people who get to work there. The building was stunning. Everything about it was stunning. That is where a majority of the pictures below came from. We also got to see the mayor's office. She has a view of Notre Dame out her office window! It was amazing. We had lunch and walked the Champs-Élysées. We saw the Arc de Triomphe, the presidents house, the Eiffel Tower from afar and some other sites. I spent my first money since I've been here. We sat at a cafe had two cokes, a bottle of water and sorbet which cost 30 euros. The entire thing was great. I also attempted to understand the train and metro system which is totally nuts. Below are the pictures I took of that day! I found several stores that we also have in America in Paris...gap, H&M, sephora. All things that can easily get me through my time here. I also found out about a store called BHV I think? It's like a department store here that sells everything apparently. While in Paris we also went by the Louve and saw the church where Tony Parker married Eva Longoria and saw the fountain where Andy throws her cell phone at the end of The Devil Wears Prada. Ps there are pics of all these below. I also found out am artist that has always impressed and intrigued me will be having an exhibit in Paris. Hokusai is the last name of a Japanese artist who I think is so impressive. I'll go back sometime this fall to check that out.

I'm still in school. Nothing much has happened as of recently. I am going to the next town over this weekend to study, wait till I post those pics. That town is beautiful as well. My mother sent me a package is was so appreciated. The children are much the same. The little one hates me, the big one is a smartass. But what can you do? Somethings also really suck...like missing time with my family. I've now missed my brother and dads birthdays, but this is just part of this process. I still am I'm such appreciation of how I can keep in touch with everyone so much. I guess this is it for now. I will make an effort to write another post sooner this time.

Go big or go home.

Apparently by demand I write blog posts...so here ya go! It's getting harder and harder to write because like I said before I write over several days. Well as it happens my feelings and emotions can change very quickly so while I felt like I wrote below that was on Monday and things have happened and feelings happened since Monday. Since then I have actually attended a class, gotten extremely sick, eaten more food, drank more wine, let my problems in and spent more time with the children. I'll let this play out in chronological order...sooo welcome to Monday...

So. I just got kicked out of class. Essentially because my speaking French is for shit although I can understand almost everything the teacher said. I now have to wait till 5 when my mom gets off to go home. Its currently 2pm. It's actually not too bad because the city where I am is gorgeous and I am currently sitting in the gardens of a castle. Not too bad. I have a book and my iPod and snacks! I will walk around later and take some pictures of the town. It is more what I imagine when I think France. Also you can check my instagram or Twitter for some pictures I take when I am out.

Today is the first day I felt a little out of place. Not knowing the language is one thing but literally getting told you belong elsewhere kind of sucks. Ohhh well. Sitting on the bench in this garden and looking at the breath taking scenery I feel a sort of peace. It doesn't matter what is really going on in my head or how I feel about anything I know that this was the best possible choice for me. I know that no matter what my friends that are important will be there when I get back and that my family will never leave me cause, well, that would be impossible cause I'm awesome.

I guess maybe I wasn't totally clear on what I'm even doing here so let me take a second...I'm a type of nanny for two little boys. One is 5 and the other is 2. I really don't want to use their names as I said previously so lets just call them G and E respectively. I take care of them at lunch and in the afternoon. It's fun most of the time and exhausting. Little boys...I can't. I only want girls! Sorry to all my friends that have boys...Haha. It's interesting to see how much they already love each other and depend on each other at a young age. I don't remember that as a kid, I remember it much more when me and my siblings were older. And honestly I don't even know where I would be without either of them. I know they think the same thing...and I love them for that.

Below are some pictures of the town, Fontainebleau, I spent all day in. This post is sappy more than anything but...clarity is a real bitch and a blessing.

The rest of the week has been semi-interesting. The weather was nicer till Wednesday. It was hot as usual. I have yet to do laundry which is NOT good because I'm running out of clean clothes!!! And to make matters worse they don't have a dryer. Wednesday I also had a bit of breakdown; but I cried like a girl for 10 minutes and got the fuck over that for now. This week I have actually been homesick. I haven't been here long and I have a while to go so thats a little scary...

School sucks. So much. It's very hard. I don't even know where to start studying it practicing. There are currently three others in my class two Canadians and one American. It's kind of nice to be able to actually speak to other people and have them understand you. Tuesday night after school I started feeling crappy and now I'm full blown sick. I don't remember the last time I was sick so I'm not sure if it's one of those things like day care...like I'm hanging around dirty snotty kids so I'm now dying... Or if it was just time. Either way it sucks.

I miss American food. So so much. Chipotle...and sandwhiches. I have yet to have a sandwhich here and it's killing me. I can eat sandwhiches for every meal of the day...And now I haven't had one. And sweet tea...my best friend. I have not had that since I've been here either. I've had coke a few times which is kind of great and feels normalish. I also miss breakfast. Big fattening breakfasts full of bacon and eggs, omlets, oatmeal...ahh so sad. I've eaten so much cheese here. Like so. Much. Cheese. I love cheese, don't get me wrong but I'm starting to wonder if that is contributing to me not losing weight. I eat less than half of what I was eating at home and so you would think...science...weight loss; but I think between the cheese, wine and bread...I'm screwed. So much bread. Like from the movies. You walk in, aak for 5 bagguettes and walk around with them in the open. Bread for days.

The one thing currently keeping my sanity is American tv. Now that all the shows are starting again I get to watch those. Those feel normal. Not only that but what I hope will turn into weekly sports updates from my bestest. Its sad because I don't care so much about sports these days and it kind of all makes me sad and nostalgic BUT having super long super late sports updates feels 1. Normal and 2. Slowly making me come back around to sports. And don't worry my lovelys I have plenty of stuff here to rep not only my noles but my tigers too!

Omg!!!!!! I totally forgot I had another spider incident!!!! I'm honestly not sure which spider gate is worse. This time I was on my bed minding my own business watching tv...And I saw something crawling on my nose. I screamed and tried to grab it off my face. Apparently this caused the spider to go in my effing mouth!!!! At which point I sat up and spit on my floor. A 27 year old literally spit spit on the floor. I would say I've reached a new low but...I think I've done worse. Now I can't find the spider and I'm freaking out and I see a big flying bug that kind of looks like a spider so I kill that and feel better about my life cause that was totally the bug. Or that's what I've convinced myself of. Then I feel something in my mouth so I stick my entire hand in my mouth and there is a spider...

I hate France because they have more disgusting spiders than any place I've lived before... I can't handle it. This week's bigger issue, however, is how to dry my laundry in a house that isn't mine. It doesn't exactly seem appropriate to hang all my barely there under wear/naughty bits/skivvies or whatever the hell you wanna call them all over the basement. Not only that but how to avoid wrinkles? Line drying is complicated but from what I can tell it's very common here. Of course that couldn't be the end of that but the washer is so small!!! It takes like half of a normal load compared to washers I am use to. 

I think I'm good right now. Enough at this point and hopefully this assuaged Jack. (Hahaha) This weekend is Paris. I think we are going to visit the city hall and the Picasso museum. I am quite excited. I am sure I will post pictures and have plenty to write.

Peace for now bitches!