Clear eyes. Full hearts. Can't lose.

Ah, a Friday Night Lights quote. An amazing one and if you've seen the series you know it's a meaningful one...

Someone I once knew said they wished children came out at 2 years old so they were talking and walking I always disagreed. I thought cute little babies were always way way better. I always thought this argument worked given the situation...but...C'est dommage. After a week here and my first week of "work" I will stick by my opinion 150%...

I have a hard time imagining having my own children. Not only because I feel far from that point in my life but also because I know what a-holes my siblings and I are and let's be honest, it scares the shit out of me. What my poor parents put up with even now that we are all "adults"...sorry mom and dad!!!! When you are living with people and helping with their children, it's awkward. There is a line you try not to cross when they are around and you are still working; but at the same time you have to establish yourself in the children's eyes and just help in general. It is always interesting because as a parent you have to give up some control and some time with your children in this situation. I'm supposed to be with them when their mom gets home but...she's a great mom and wants to spend the time with her kids which only makes sense. It seems to be a perfect balance we are striving for and hopefully we get there before my time here is up...because so far I can't decide if I am over stepping or not stepping enough and I can't tell if the parents are not pleased with me this far...although I don't doubt that they would just tell me.

This week was a ton of firsts. The weather starting on Wednesday was amazing!!! I've kept my window open and I've worn sweaters. One of the best things is being able to throw on some skinny jeans, a v-neck tee, or a boyfriend cardigan and converse. I need to invest in some new colors of converse, that's for sure. I also went to the grocery store! Surprisingly, to me anyway, they have of the same brands we do. Special K, Pepperidge Farm...but then they have...different things...like phesant eggs, and whole fish sitting outside of the case... whole fish. They do lack conditioner...and my hair is really really sad about this. I also went to one of the world's best graduate schools. It's called INSAED. It's a business graduate school. Being back on campus and seeing young adults being in the whole thing was kind of great...gave me some ideas. Also French champagne number one in the books...and I have to say it was really good. I felt fuzzy hands and feet after the first glass. I also found this amazingly beautiful city or town right next to the town where I live, Moret Sur Loing. Next week I plan to start running again and running to this town might be a good idea. Either way I'm going to get over there and take some pictures to post.

I have had to complete tons of paperwork for insurance and my visa. After the visa paperwork goes through and I go to an appointment I will be considered a resident!!! A resident of France...WHAT?!?!

I was really hoping that I would not be driving for a year. I actually was so excited about that exceptill not be the case and honestly I'm a littler scared. Driving in France is like driving in LA with less traffic and way smaller streets. People are crazy!! There are not as many street signs as in America and you have to constantly pull off the road, I'm nervous. I have to admit it.

School starts on Monday and I'm in the intermediate class which is totally nuts. I understand like 80% of what is said but my speaking and writing is total garbage. I'm going to study tomorrow and pray I can fake it at least a little bit. While on the topic of languages...one of the coolest things im doing is teaching the oldest kid English. Granted most of it is basic but to hear him repeat it and see it in his face that he gets it, is a great feeling.

Several FYI's before I end or get to the end of yet another not too exciting and not very funny post...1. I don't intend on putting up many pics of the families personal lives or the children. Just because I am an idiot and putting my life on the internet doesn't mean they want it...and so don't expect that. 2. I usually write these posts over a few days because different things happen and I want to remember things and don't have the time to write a whole post so last night I thought I was kind of done...until one of the worst things ever happened. I have included some screen shot conversations of the incident because I think they describe way way better "the incident" than what I can recount right now. Finish reading below and check out the convos...Also please be advised there should be like a parental warning on the screen shots...for mature language?

It's strange. I feel like I've been here a while...but I haven't. My future now seems extremely scary and a little exciting. My life was always one way for so long and the expectation was for that to continue. I saw my life wrapped in a box. Maybe not with a neat little bow but wrapped in a box that I enjoyed..but now it's wide open. I can't even imagine being here a year and I definitely can't imagine anytime beyond that. I'm not sure if it's a sort of liberation I feel or I'm just totally shitting my pants. I am still looking forward to all of what's to come and every day things get a little bit better...slowly but surely...